i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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