hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
