I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
