even my farts smell like vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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