i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
