He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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