I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
