Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
