I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
