as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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