I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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