Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
