fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
