bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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