too bad you live with your parents still
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
