He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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