Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
