you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
