I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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