why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
