my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
