Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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