Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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