Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
