Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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