they need to just BURY HIM!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
