i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
