real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
