You just made me feel so damn special
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
