grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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