Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
