Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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