Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
