I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think a kid would responsible me up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
