drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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