also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
