You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
