I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
