I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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