just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
