it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
