i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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