you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize