Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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