we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
