im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
