I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need water and some morals
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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