The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just google imaged poop.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
