I will die if light touches me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
