The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
