this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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