My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
