By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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