At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
