I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
