walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
