Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
