I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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