I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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