Your mouth is God's brothel.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
