cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
