At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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