I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
