dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
