dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize