he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
