you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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