Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
