ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
